Been a while so here's an update I finally got the consult date for the specialist in Ottawa. November 1st. Still a ways away but at least the balls rolling now.
Invited "boy" to a wedding and then he stopped talking to me...boys are so confusing! I finally broke down and messaged him after 2 days and said my piece. "You haven't responed to my texts. I really like you. Are you not interested anymore?" Response " just stressed about school, work, and shit" "Is the and shit me? We never text anymore. Do you need time to think? I don't know what's on your mind unless you tell me." and no response...ugh...
I have developed some new symptoms that I want to talk to my doctor about at our monthy appointment. Shakey hands, head and leg twitches, dizziness and
Met the "boy" for the third time 2 days ago. It's going really well. I feel like we get along really well and he's very sweet. Pains not bad lately and I've been catching up with old friends. I guess being off work isn't yj
It's been a busy week so far. I had two doctors appointments this week. My family doc prescribed sleeping pills and said to take them every night and low and behold I sleep. I only wake up once if at all its awesome. The pill is called Amitriptyline and it seems to be working well. The weird thing is I have the most vivid dreams I wake feeling I actually live them. It takes me a couple of minutes to shake it off and remind myself it didn't actually happen. My doctor said that the pill will also help with my anxiety/depression and pain as well. So those are just bonuses.
I also had another date with the same guy. It went well. He's sweet, smart, funny and handsome. All good qualities. :)
I never feel rested. I feel like all I want to do is sleep. I feel like that's all there is to do with my days. Being out of work is boring. What do people do all day? I watch t.v. or read or play computer games. It's very bleak. At least when I'm a sleep I don't feel as much pain and I can dream of happier, better things. I started this website in hopes to raise awareness and keep myself busy. I'm unsure as to how to get myself
Blog #3 in the same day. Apparently I've been having a crappy day. So I live with my parents, there are advantages and disadvantages. I was talking with my step mom about some steps I should take regarding my previous posts. In chimes my father, sometimes he's a really big pain. The disadvantages for living at home are the scrutiny they have! I feel like crap! He has been sporting my which I really really appropriate! But please don't make me feel like dirt when I say I want to be able to support myself! I miss being about to have the financial freedom to do what I want when I want. What happened to my life? Here I am blubbing like a baby. I feel so...useless? Lonely? I'm 23 I should be at the top of the world with friends and fun yet here I am alone in my room with the t.v. as my only friend.
Currently I am on leave from work. I have been in so much pain and have been super weak. I have literally no money coming in, my parents have been helping out but there is only so much they can do! I have so many meds and they are so expensive! I've applied for Employment Insurance and am waiting to hear from them. I hate waiting! How is someone supposed to survive on nothing!! I am so stressed out I am shaking! What am I to do? I really am at a loss of what to do? Work though the crippling pain? Sell something? I DON'T KNOW!
The pain in back. I really enjoyed the couple of good days I had. Though when I have them I feel like I pay for them later. I think I'm getting my period. I'm super cramppy and my back aches. I just want to sleep this day and this pain away! Can I sleep through all the bad days to be awaken when my bodies ready for a good one?
Because I have stage 4 Endo I have the disease throughout my abdomen. I will have to go under the knife again. I will be having a bowel resection. I am scared. Not only do I have to have another surgery I have to go to a different city to have it. Stressful!
I feel like it has literally been forever since I have felt this good! I went on a date last night and it was actually amazing! I really felt like there was a spark and I felt so comfortable and at home. I really hope there are many more good days to come!