Felt like crap yesterday so I spent the day on the couch. It was my boyfriends Friday so he got some beers and brought me home some vodka coolers. I already was feeling like poo so I didn't drink any. Well don't I just wake up to feel like I did drink. Bloated, in pain and a tummy ache I go to go for a pee and the dog has torn up the toilet paper roll. In agony I kneel down to pick up all the shreds after I struggle to get Roman in the cage. Finally, I get to the bathroom and more than pee if you know what I mean. I get back to bed with my heating pad on and pass out for a couple more hours.
Awoken by stabbing pains in both ovaries, the feeling of contracting in the uterus I no longer have and a tummy ache I go to the bathroom to take a hot shower. The hot water feel good but standing is a struggle so I sit in the shower and let the hot water run over my pelvis for an unknown amount of time. After I feel I have wasted enough water I change in over to a bath and try to relax my body in the warm water until my body falls asleep. I get out and more than pee again ( wink wink) but when I flush the toilet nothing happens, try to flush again and water fills the bowl. Fuck. Get the plunger from under the sink. Plung plung plung. No movement. ugh. Ok take a break and come back to it. I sit down on the couch and wait for my meds to kick in to go back and tackle the situation. While I'm trying to chill out a bit the dog starts vomiting. Great, clean that up and go back in to the bathroom to check if it has drained at all (noting I pour Draino in also). No movement! Why!? I try again to use the plunger and nothing. By now my boyfriend woke up and I told him what happened. We make a plan to go to the Canadian Tire to get a better plunger. Come back and still the bowl is full. Use the new plunger for what seems like a year and finally the damn thing drains! Back aching and abdomen burning I relax for a little bit then go to write this blog post and after I press post it only posts the first sentences. So, yes, this is my second time writing this. Please no more today. I can't take it.
I feel like I want to cry over everything right now! I put the damn laundry card down and a second later it's gone no where to be found!? I look everywhere for the damn thing and it's no where. I feel like I'm going crazy and everyday some other shit storm starts and I have to deal with it. I have haven't learned anything else from having Endometriosis the one thing I have learned is that relationships are hard! Having to manage your illness, feeling like shit, trying to get through the day and then you have to deal with what ever your spouse puts on you. I feel like I haven't been myself in a long time, I feel like pain and Endometriosis are consuming, I can't do thing I used to be able to and be as active in life and friendships as I like to be! I sit or lay in pain and feel sorry for myself because I'm so tired and sore! I miss being young and energetic.
Today I make a change, I will not longer apologize for feeling ill. I won't feel sorry for saying no. It's too hard and not logical to please everyone. I need to make sure I am happy first, I need to feel good before I can make anyone else feel good. I so badly want to have success in every relationships but sometimes you need to be selfish and do what's right for you. Not everything is going to work out as much as we'd like it too.
I have to learn to communicate how I feel better. I get some emotional and mixed up in my feelings that I just end up crying. Does the Endometriosis make me more emotional or am I just emotional.
So I know that I haven't posted in a while but I haven't been feeling the best, I started a new medication called pregabalin (https://www.drugs.com/cdi/pregabalin.html). I have actually noticed a little bit of a difference, I have a little more energy and am a little less achy. I m still working on the Youtube channel and am currently working on a information video answering a lot of question I get from ladies all the time. I just posted a quick update on Youtube. I am working on getting some "Endometriosis and me" T-shirts out as a lot of ladies showed interest in them. I'm thinking I will need to take pre-orders as I am so broke right now. I will be showing the designs sometime very soon! I am so excited that the facebook page is growing so quickly! The facebook group is growing pretty steadily as well. I haven't worked on my book in a while but I still want to have a book of my own out at some point. I am excited for the future of Endometriosis and me!