I feel like I've been hit by a truck! Everything hurts. The last week I have been feeling so crampy and sore. My pelvis and back have been so tight and stiff, feels like someone is squeezing my ovaries and spine in their fist. I have hardly been able to get anything done, the house work is building up and I need to start packing up to move back to my home town. I have been feeling utterly exhausted! Yesterday I slept 16 hours and still feel like I haven't slept. My brain feels foggy and I feel like I can hardly function. I still feel guilty that I am unable to attend my friends wedding but I can barely get the energy to get out of bed. I think I could sleep for a week!
"What’s the difference between normal menstrual cramps and abnormal ones? How does one measure pain?
As many of you may know Endometriosis keeps us from doing the things we want to do. With extreme pain come anxiety. Yesterday I had to let a good friend down and tell her I couldn't fly across the country to be a bridesmaid in her wedding. I feel like a complete ass hole and no I am for telling her with short notice but I am so overwhelmed with pain in my whole body and so anxious I feel as though my heart my pump out of my chest and my stomach is going to fall out my butt. Making me feel worse yet she said I ruined her wedding, I feel horrible f***ing up her big day but I can hardly function right now. The pain in my back and stomach is so bad that I can't find a comfortable position in bed and am stuck tossing and turning all night. I feel like a complete emotional wreck right now, my mind feeling like it's going a million miles a minute and it won't slow down. Unfortunately I felt that my plate was too full and something needed to be removed. Stress, anxiety and depression is no joke, it can feel so crippling that make even the fun things in life nearly unbearable. How was I to get on a plane alone for the first time when my hand won't stop shaking and my heart is going to explode? I understand it is hard and also very frustrating to deal with someone with chronic illness, we are "flaky", we can't be "normal", or we are "never there for them". But, what needs to be understood is that we do want to be there, be normal and enjoy all the things in life. We are in pain daily and exhausted most of the time and sometimes just flat out can't do it. Knowing your limits and living within them is a hard task and will take time to figure out.
It's called Phantom Uterus. Much like when someone loses a limb but still feels the pain like it's still there. I still experience monthly cycle, it feels like I still have my period even though I no longer have the parts it take.
I have decided to dedicate more time to the website and I have started to write a book about my experience and knowledge with the disease. I hope to bring awareness and information with a splash of my story and journey in the book. I have been working on myself on the inside by trying to figure out where I fit in the world. I know so many woman have this disease but there is little information or educational material about the subject.